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Divine Discontentment

October 24th, 2006 at 9:42 am. Posted in Journal.

Ever have one of those ~~days~~ ~~weeks~~ months? It seems that everything is wrong. Everything. I am not doing anything “right.” I need some peace in my mind and rest in my soul.

I am going through a sort of crisis right now, so I’ve been scarce. I am not sure about my place in the world right now. I feel like I have so many ideas, so many plans, so many dreams. I have an opinion about everything in my life and that constant chatter in my head is tiresome. I feel like life is spinning out of control and I have no way to stop it.

I must work to find the balance I crave. As I said before, I am very much an “all or nothing” person, so slow changes are a challenge. When I get an idea of something I want to change, I want it to happen yesterday. I think that is in part to fear that if it doesn’t happen right now, it may never change at all. But God is faithful and He is teaching me. He is showing me how to have balance, to get everything done that I need to and still enjoy my life.

Joyce Meyer says that enjoying your life is a decision. So why can I never seem to make that decision to just be happy? I am always in a discontented state; never at peace with my decisions. I second guess myself every chance I get. Could God really be in the midst of my mess? Could He use this condition to lead me to Him? I believe the answer is a relieved YES.

He can use my discontent to show me that I will never be satisfied with anything outside of Him. I will never be “good enough” in my own eyes. I can never do enough, but then I am not about the “doing” at all. It’s about the “being.” I am to abide in Christ. I am to put on Christ. I am to enter into the divine rest. God is not so concerned about what I am doing. He is much more concerned with what I am being. So the discontent can drive me crazy or drive me to my knees, where my Heavenly Father takes me in His arms and gently, lovingly restores my soul. He draws me closer and closer until I can hear His heartbeat. Then He shows me His plans and my plans suddenly seem insignificant. I don’t want my will, but His. And His will is for me to look more and more like Him every day.

Help me, Lord, to walk out Your will. Never let me be satisfied with my own way. That’s truly divine discontentment.

6 Comments ( Reply )

Stephanie
Oct 24, 2006 @ 6:25 pm

Thanks for your openness! I know I have been there many times. I went through a week of fasting last month and it was amazing all that God showed me…I would definitely recommend it!
Lori
Oct 25, 2006 @ 9:29 am

As a self-confessed “all or nothing person” the above seems to be my autobiography! Included in things I want to change, I desire to KNOW all about an issue so that I can make a right decision…and then “convince” others of the same. Unfortunately, sometimes I, a mere human cannot “know” everything and I think God wants it that way. I must rely on Him for the answers and when the answers don’t come when I want them to I need to be content. And although I totally believe in absolutes, sometimes…sometimes…one solution may be as good as the next. This has helped me take the pressure off of ME and helped me rest in God. I hope you find comfort knowing that others are going or have gone through much of what you describe.
Anna-Marie
Oct 26, 2006 @ 8:52 am

Thanks ladies. You are always so encouraging. I really do know that it’s not all about me. God is so good to remind me of that fact regularly.
Shannon
Oct 26, 2006 @ 1:11 pm

I am back to making scheduales. I have found that there is a rhythm to my day, as out of beat as it is. I am now trying to use that flow to fit in what I need to do. Then DH needs my help for a presentation he if giving in three hours… the ebb and flow varies considerably! I home school in between the strong beats, around the rolls, after the crecendos, and sometimes upon a rest note.
Dana
Oct 30, 2006 @ 11:47 pm

I’m praying for you Anna-Marie. Contentment is a hard one. I cannot say that there are too many times that I am all that successful at it. My nature is to pile things on and get too involved in too many things. The pace can at times move too fast, but to be perfectly honest, I get more anxious and have more difficulty when I force myself to stop.

In the stillness, I am faced with what God wants me to see and there is no superficial busy-ness to drive away that “still voice.”

His presence isn’t in the fire or the earthquake, but in the stillness. He may carry us through storms, but he talks to us when we allow things to be quiet, even in the midst of the storm, I think.
Anna-Marie
Oct 31, 2006 @ 1:00 pm

That is beautiful Dana. Thanks for that. And I agreee with the anxiety in the slow pace. That’s true of me too.

Shannon, I’m in the schedule mode too. I have to have some way to gauge success in my day, otherwise I just float around and get nothing done. But my flesh does NOT like to follow!